I am in shock I think. But I feel the need to vent my anger, confusion, indignation … despair. Apparently, it’s now okay just to go out with your illegally purchased military grade assault rifle and just kill people without any consequences. I don’t know how to react. Do I cry as the country I grew up in wholeheartedly embraces authoritarian rule? Could I have done more to save this country?

I’m 46 years old, I live in New England, I vote for democrats, I graduated with a degree in Physics, and teach science for a living. How am I supposed to tell my high school students the truth? That the country you thought you lived in and have heard so much about from your grandparents is dead. That there’s no point in going to college because there aren’t any jobs worth the lifetime of debt. Why raise a family when the world is literally burning around you. Why bother going outside when any fool with a gun, including cops, can just kill you because he got scared and get away scot-free.

Well I’m about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it’s gonna change, my friend
Is anybody’s guess

There are these occasional glimmers of what could be hope. Like when a cop in Minnesota has to pay for murdering an unarmed black man — only because someone caught it on camera. Or when Congress passes a desperately needed increase in social welfare — that was whittled down to a toothpick by corrupt democrats.

I never swear but I f***ing give up. This country’s not worth saving. I’m currently in grad school working on my physics PhD and as soon as I can get into a Canadian university I will be gone and I’m leaving my passport behind.